I am generally a very loving, kind and compassionate person, and a lot of my life’s work involves helping others to uncover and discard old thought patterns and begin to embrace new ideas of peacefulness and harmony. I have done much soul-searching and healing throughout the years over old past hurts, limiting belief systems, etc. I have moved from a place of self-sabotage and intense self-loathing through the power of prayer & meditation, finding forgiveness (for myself and others), and opening my compassion to the in-compassionate.
Well, you can imagine my surprise when some other individuals in my life decided to act out of whatever anger or low self-worth they were experiencing in the form of control, lies and manipulation. Mean words were said, hearts were crushed, and relationships were dissolved. Sadly, I was a witness to this behavior happening in the lives of some people that are very near and dear to me. I was crushed. I felt completely powerless. My ability to accept life on life’s terms flew out the window as I began to find myself in fits of judgment, ridicule and criticism (internally and externally.) “HOW DARE THEY TREAT SO AND SO THIS WAY!!! How could they act that way and still live in their own skin?! Don’t they see that what they are doing is soooooo wrong!?” On and on and on my little mind went, spinning deeper and deeper into the abyss of the same energy that probably created the very actions and behaviors that I was complaining about.
Then, a moment of clarity. (THANK GOD for that still, quiet space between thoughts!) I had an inner urging to separate myself from the situation and head straight to one of my most favorite meditation spots: my bathtub. I drew the bath, added a bunch of Epsom salts and Lavender essential oil, and proceeded to immerse myself into the tub. With my mind still reeling in judgment and discontentment, my body began to relax as I inwardly prayed for guidance in my thinking, while asking over and over, “help me see the truth” and “show me how I can best show up in this situation. Please open my heart and my mind so I can be an instrument of YOUR peace.” After a few minutes, I closed my eyes, and took some deep, centering breaths. Slowly but steadily an image of each of the people I was angry with began to emerge from my mind’s eye. I tried seeing them through eyes of love and compassion, picturing them smiling with eyes glowing and happy. (After all, this is how I like to see myself, isn’t it?) It wasn’t easy at first, my mind wanted to interrupt and remind me how absurd this was and how they didn’t deserve my compassion and kindness, but I stayed with it and before long, I felt my body become looser, more relaxed. I could even feel my heart expanding as I continued to take slow, deep breaths. One by one, I visualized myself reaching my hands out from the center of my chest (my heart space), extending toward their hands that were placed facing outward toward me at the center of their chest (like we were going to play patty-cake or something.) I would gently extend my hands forward until I felt a “connection” with their hands, and then I would bow my head, and they would bow their head until we would touch foreheads. I stayed here only a few moments during the visualization, offering them peace, love and a blessing for their highest good. It wasn’t easy as my thoughts would try to crowd in and interrupt, but I just kept doing it. I did a total of three visualizations and during the last one I heard clearly “he doesn’t want your blessing.” I don’t know if that was my head or the truth, but I continued to “offer” my blessing until I felt complete.
A feeling of deep calm and peace had washed over and through my body at some point during this process. I gave thanks for the experience, got out of the tub, and dried off. The rest of my night was spent reading some cool articles in my yoga magazine while listening to some quiet music. (This is one of the ways I fill back up after I have released something. You can do whatever self-care practice feels good to you.)
I really have not had any negative thoughts or yucky feelings towards these people since this experience, so I wanted to be sure to pass this along to you. If there is someone that has hurt you, or someone you love, perhaps you will find this story helpful. Give it a try if you feel guided. What do you have to lose? Resentment, bitterness, tension in your body, sleepless nights? THEY aren’t feeling that, YOU are! It doesn’t mean that their actions are okay, or that you approve of their behavior in anyway. It doesn’t negate that you have been hurt. What it DOES do is give you FREEDOM from the bondage of crazy thought patterns that create pain in your emotional, mental and physical body. You deserve to be free. You deserve to let go, move on, and embrace a new way of seeing the world, and the people in it. Honoring yourself in this way is the greatest form of self- love that I can think of.
I may not be able to change how the other people in this situation (or in the world for that matter) act, speak or behave, but I CAN practice being the change I wish to see. After all, I may just be one woman with one heart, one mind and one soul, but it’s the only mind, heart and soul I’ve got, and I CHOOSE TO BE FREE!!
